Fixing things around the house

Maybe conservative guys feel a need to be Mr. Fix It Man around the house. Or maybe any guy who needs to save money.

I don't have this need. Some of my friends do, but most don't.

I wish there was a handyman service where the guy would come once a month and fix all of the little things around the house I don't get to, and my dear wife nags me about. In Covey terms, this would be a Win-Win-Win.

I would pay, say, $50 per hour for this, maybe even more.

Who's your daddy

This just in:

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Identigene, which runs a DNA testing laboratory, said its DNA Paternity Test Collection Kit went on sale Wednesday at the 4,363 Rite Aid drug stores throughout the United States, except New York.

The swab in the kit is used to collect a saliva sample, to be mailed to the Identigene laboratory for an analysis that costs additional 119 dollars.

The paternity test kit is already a hit in California, Washington and Oregon states, where they have been selling on a trial basis since November, Identigene said.


Question... why do we have more paternity questions on the West Coast?

Real woman

I miss my wife. On the road just a few of days, conversing with high-powered men and women dressed to the nines. She is much more beautiful and radiant. The image of her face is seared in my mind, which was once a young woman's face but is now seasoned with motherhood, with much more captivating eyes.

Sanctifying the Embassy Suites on K Street

It occurred to me last night, while I was staying in a $400-a-night hotel, dining with $700-per-hour lawyers drinking $20-per-glass port, that there is a way to make Christ present to the souls around me. And it wasn't by denouncing this luxury, or even speaking about the gospel.

It was doing something hidden -- such as choosing the least-favorite sounding side dish -- and praying to the guardian angel of each one of my confreres.

Something maddenly as simple as this.

Vagina monologues misunderstood?

I just had dinner with a woman who spearheaded efforts at her Catholic college to host the controversial Vagina Monologues. She described being threatened by the college with unspecified sanctions and facing lots of student protests, which only drove interest in the event further. She said the thrust of the dialogue was about domestic abuse. Maybe a tenth of it was devoted to sexuality. When pressed, she agreed having "Vagina" in the title was what invited criticism, but said that is what drives the ticket sales.

So... are conservatives unwittingly pushing up sales of tickets to this play by opposing it?

Social justice vs. personal piety

When I visit liberal Catholic parishes, helping the poor (social justice) is centerstage, but honestly most of our pastors in this category don't challenge us at the level of personal morality.

When I visit conservative Catholic parishes, it's just the opposite: the refreshing challenge to make hard moral choices such as leaving birth control behind, but a glaring lack of attention on the poor, mentally ill or bed ridden.

Am I missing something? Why are there no parishes that breathe with both lungs?

No more toys as gifts?

We are considering a new family policy for the relatives: no more toys for birthdays or Christmas. We have so much already. We constantly are giving toys back to Goodwill. We could do our part to reduce our environmental footprint by changing our family customs.

Only problem is... what do you say to get the kids instead? Tickets to a theme park, or a play?

Black vs. African-American

Another tutorial for my conservative friends on proper etiquette at a liberal party. Those people with dark faces are African Americans.

I know, I know. Some of them will call themselves black. And, we don't call whites from South Africa or Arabs from North Africa African Americans. Granted, the only thing American blacks have in common with African blacks is their appearance, and even that is a stretch most of the time. And, we've gone from negro to colored to black to Afro American to African American in two generations. What's next? And, it's fewer syllables to simply say black. You have all the logic on your side. You win.

But you know why you have to say African American? Because most educated blacks do. We think race is a social construct, and narrowing it down to black and white is too distinct a line to be drawn. So, just swallow your pride and say it.

The liberal "discipline" of children

I tell my conservative friends that they need to check some of their favorite code words at the door when attending a liberal party. One of them is "discipline". We just don't like that word. It conjures images of totalitarian regimes and belt-brandishing good ole boys cocked and ready to whip the women and chillun.

The intellectual version of "discipline" that you even see in Church documents is the "formation" of children. Now this sounds better, but it may still put some of us on guard, because it presumes that a superior one is doing the forming while the inferior one is sitting by passively.

At the risk of sounding like a softy, we prefer to raise and nurture children. And yes, we will correct and guide them along the way. Yes, we are forming them, but just don't call it that at one of our parties.

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Conversion of the Muslim

Today it was reported that the most prominent Muslim in Rome was received into the Church by Pope Benedict last night at the Easter Vigil Mass in St. Peter's. My fellow liberals are uncomfortable with conversions, I have to be honest. I think it's because the underlying assumption about a conversion is that our Catholic faith is a truer path than other alternatives.

We are uncomfortable asserting the rightness of the Catholic faith, because we are uncomfortable projecting the rightness of ourselves onto others. This humility of our liberal brothers is admirable and attractive.

But it is misplaced. The Catholic faith is the bread that heals all. This beggar is eager to tell other beggars where to find the bread that satisfies.

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The best of liberals

Liberals used to be the font of new energy and thinking in the great social and moral debates -- of the 1960s. But those same people who are now in power have the same agenda items as back then. Honestly, have they had any new ideas in the last 40 years besides global warming? The John Paul II conservatives are the ones with the energy and new ideas, such as the theology of the body.

Young liberals must respond to stay relevant. Liberals are at our best when we are peacemakers -- when we convey a genuine openness to others of different faiths and political leanings that who they are is OK with us. That is the core of liberalism -- not abortion rights or gay rights or women priests.

I want what I don't do

We watched the Passion of the Christ last night, probably for the sixth time since it came out. I want that. I want the cross. I want the pain. It's the only time I am fulfilled, and feel useful.

So why don't I follow through? Why do hours go by, and I haven't even spoken to our Lord, or his mother and friends, or my guardian angel? I want it so much but I still live like a pagan.

The conversion of Jews

This in today:

BERLIN (Reuters) - The leader of Germany's Jewish community said on Friday she was surprised Pope Benedict could have allowed a new version of a Good Friday prayer for the conversion of Jews. Charlotte Knobloch, president of the Central Council of Jews in Germany... criticized the new version because it still says they should recognize Jesus Christ as the savior of all men. It asks that "all Israel may be saved" and Jews say it keeps an underlying call to conversion that they had wanted removed. Knobloch said that she could not envision a continuation of the inter-religious dialogue as long as the old prayer stands.

"As long as the Catholic Church, that is to say Pope Benedict, does not return to the previous wording, I assume that there will not be any further dialogue in the form that we were able to have in the past," Knobloch said.

So, the Jews can demand that Catholics change the core proposal of our religion -- that Christ is God and all must believe that to be saved -- but heaven help the person who makes any demands upon the Jews.

Lord, what is your plan for these your chosen ones, the porcupines? We love them Lord, like one loves a cranky older sister. Help us endure them and grow in affection for them.

Seen and not heard

Remember the last time you saw a homeschooled kid acting up in church? I can't. Why is that?

My theory:

1. As counterculturists, they're especially aware of their public perception and more on top of it.

2. The mothers rule with a firm hand by necessity.

Did Lazarus die twice?

Our Lord enters the tomb today. His beloved friend Lazarus had preceeded him there earlier that year, foreshadowing the general resurrection of the faithful at the end of time.

It raises the question: at the end of Lazarus's earthly life, did he ascend into heaven, or did he die again? Does it make sense that one person would have two resurrections? That would be unprecedented in the Bible.

I think Lazarus was assumed into heaven body and soul.

Are vocations specific or general?

No matter how good the parish school may be, a common refrain from homeschooling mothers across the country is that homeschooling is a "vocation".

I've also heard a respected theologian explain that we don't have a vocation to marriage, we have a vocation to marry, say, Beth Smith. We don't have a vocation to the priesthood, we have a vocation to be a Franciscan priest or a diocesan priest. We don't have a vocation to work, we have a vocation to be an engineer.

My question: if this is true, how do we know what our specific calling from God is? And, better, how do we teach our kids when and what to listen for?

Liberal vs conservative Catholics

Why is it that Catholics define themselves like the rest of America into liberal and conservative camps? Both sides seem to do so willingly. Wouldn't it be refreshing to meet a son of Mary who says: I have a liberal heart and soul, and a conservative mind.

Questions > statements

I just listened to one of the best sales-improvement books on tape I've heard: Thomas Reese's Question-Based Selling. The whole premise is that throughout the sales cycle, wouldn't it be more effective to ask questions than make statements? Questions invite interaction and show humility.

Could this approach be applied to the discipline of children, too?